Boogie On, MJ...

There's no possible way you can be hearing this for the first time here, but Michael Jackson is dead at 50 today, due to suspected cardiac arrest. The King of Pop, (not so) arguably the greatest solo artist of all time, a living legend of an entertainer and musical genius, is gone.

I didn't think it possible to see the allegations of child molestation pushed into the back of my mind so easily to make room for a huge sense of loss and sadness. I'm sure it's a much easier task to not lose any sleep over this loss for the families of the alleged victims. And let's be honest, the dude was absolutely batshit in his last 15 years, and it's hard to deny that he did some despicable things to little boys, but man I am bummed out. And I was just a little shit at the height of his career. Aren't pedophiles supposed to be the most reviled form of scum in the eyes of the public and even other criminals?

But how many good times have we all experienced with Jackson's music as the damn soundtrack? Countless, I'm certain. How often has he moved us, physically and emotionally, with his songwriting, emotionally charges vocals, and unprecedented dancing talents? Very often, I'm positive. He changed pop culture--music, video, live entertainment--in a way that no one had before him. His catalog of smash hits is longer than I care list, but I'll certainly be spending some time with them the next few days.

Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go choke the hell up over "She's Out Of My Life", then dance myself back into a man with "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" and plenty of Jesus Juice.

Quickies Are Fun: How Is This Guy Famous? Edition

Kevin Rudolf Is A Looker

I'm glad to see Jay Sherman is making a comeback. I always thought The Critic was underappreciated.



Is This A Joke?

How is Soulja Boy a legitimate musical act and Wesley Willis died in relative obscurity? Is this a big joke on the general "Top 40"-listening public?




Introducing SMAP

Ok, actually this guy definitely deserves to be famous. SMAP is holding his ass back, figurately and literally, apparently. Tsuyoshi Kusanagi is a goddamn rockstar, not boyband material.

Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, a member of the Japanese pop music group SMAP, was arrested Thursday for public indecency after stripping naked while under the influence of alcohol at a Tokyo park, causing ripples not only in the nation but in South Korea, where the singer, who is fluent in Korean, is also popular. After arresting the 34-year-old Kusanagi, police searched his home in Tokyo's Minato Ward, spurring numerous telephone calls from his fans in protest. The suspect admitted to stripping naked and told investigators, ''I regret what I did. I don't remember how I went to the park, and why I became naked,'' according to the police.

Oh, and in related news...tasered wizard micropenis.

Oh Man, This Is Good

"Chris Cornell Is Twitted Upon" UPDATE:

April Fools' Day taught us two things, at least. Trent Reznor enjoys electronically tea-bagging Chris Cornell in his sleep, and Chris Cornell loves slippin his online pubes into Trent's sandwiches when he's not looking. Then complimenting him, apparently. And Twitter. He loves Twitter.

Quickies Are Fun: This Sounds Familiar Edition

Pearly Jams

In celebration of Pearl Jam's re-issue of their badass debut album Ten, MTV asked a few artists to cover some album tracks for their program no one's heard of called Rock The Deuce. Below is a cool one of "Why Go", by P.O.S. Here's a link to some other covers and clips, because I know you're all clamoring to hear The Academy Is... cover "Jeremy" or learn whether or not Hoobastank really think they sound like Pearl Jam.

Also, I can't resist the terrible and obvious lyrical-pun-doubling-as-name-dropping-of-my-own-blog here, so here goes...Gives new meaning to "scratches a letter", doesn't it?! Eh? No? Aw, c'mon...

Chickenfoot Has Arrived...


...and it's sounding tasty.

Super Wayne's World

Has anyone noticed that Dr. Carter samples Super Mario World's castle theme? Does Weezy give credit in the liners? Hip Hop needs more Nintendo.

Chris Cornell Is Twitted Upon

Chris Cornell's awkward new album Scream has already, at its best, received mixed reviews and, at its worst, has been castigated by a number of critics and fans (Check out Greg Howe's review on his new blog. He's not this Greg Howe, but goshdarnit, he's just as cute). The Timbaland collaboration, however, somehow landed at number 10 on last week's Billboard 200, but at least one of Cornell's peers shares the "What the fuck?" sentiment echoed by so many music lovers and went public with it. And by "went public with it," I mean he posted some shit on Twitter.

Basically, Trent Reznor said he was embarrassed for Cornell after listening to the record, and Cornell responded by calling him Judas and gave him the ol' "Let he who is without sin..." bit. In subsequent twits (twats?), he got weird and continued taking the biblical references in non-Reznor-related directions. I think. I don't know. I can't even believe I'm posting about this. This shit is boring, and I feel like a little gossip queen. The only thing I got out of this is confirmation that I'm still on the fence about Twitter (celebrity twittering, especially) and the knowledge from Chris that Ben Stiller unsuccessfully tried to remake Jesus Christ Superstar and thought Cornell should play Jesus. That would still be less awkward than Scream.

Tom Morello Refuses To Just Play Music

It's safe to say most already agree that Tom Morello is a highly educated guitar virtuoso with awful opinions. But the scale for me just tipped from mildly annoying rock god to talented asshat after reading the following statement.

Though he is optimistic about Obama, Morello is not ready to give up his one-man revolution just yet. "Obama's stated positions are much too centrist for my taste," he says. "I always laugh when the Republicans would say, 'He's a Socialist or he's a Marxist.' I'm thinking, 'Man, if we really did have a black Marxist as president, that'd be fantastic.'"

I don't know what the hell they're teaching over at Harvard's Political Science program, but I'd like to think that Morello opted to run through that bugger of a chromatic mixolydian inverse scale one more time by skipping the class on how Marxism DOESN'T FUCKING WORK.

Tom, please allow me to demonstrate how people's inherent greed, pride, and differing senses of personal responsibility would make a mess of your utopia, as a lame excuse to post this sweet photo of you I found online...


Let's say you're looking forward to a delightful night of getting to know each of these three fine young ladies, at the same time. Then two of your hairy roadies, who smell strangely like cheese and baby poop, waltz over and demand their fair share of female companionship. But they take the redhead and the Katy Perry wannabe, leaving you with the brunette, who insists on telling you how she thinks she made the right choice of outfit tonight because, even though the lack of sleeves brings attention to her thick arms, she thinks the black and white polka-dots are really slimming.

Karl says, "Rock on, brother".

Quickies Are Fun: Oh No They Di'nt! Edition

Dr. Ginger Threatens Dr. Pepper

This is a month old, but this level of doucheyness does not diminish with time. It reads like a hoax post or an Onion article, but it seems to be the real (sad) deal. Speaking of Ging' N' Roses, Pauly T. recently had some choice words for the new album. And they involve Mortal Kombat and Double Gulps.

'Sleezus Fist And The Latter Day Taints' Is Already Taken

The A.V. Club does the internet a great annual service every year and provides a stellar comprehensive list of shitty band names. This year, they certainly don't disappoint. Though I always thought my girlfriend was just joking when she pointed and laughed at my usage of 'Lazersnake'.

'Worst Band of All-Time' Is Already Taken

In a what should come as a surprise to no one, Nickelback took home the title of the "Worst Lyrics of 2008" competition on The Village Voice's blog. The song is called...wait for it..."Something In Your Mouth". Ironically, it will make you wish there was something in Chad Kroeger's mouth for the duration of the song. Seriously, I heard this song in the car a few weeks ago, and thought I had accidentally switched stations to some sort of hard-rock parody station. The single verse and chorus I heard from this song was honestly worse than any music, voice, or sound for that matter, that I have heard in the past 14 years, at least. And my judgment was terrible, I'm sure, when I was 10, so I have to believe that this doesn't even compare to anything I think may have been worse back then. I'd rather smear a turd on my upper lip for a day than sit through the entirety of that garbage.